Sep
20
UPDATE II: Danny Roddick, Tony Bishop
September 20, 2007 |
The sad story of 31-year-old performer Danny Roddick’s passing last week continues to unfold. On various blogs, associates of Mr. Roddick are venting their anger over how they perceive their friend was treated by the studios that employed him, including Athletic Model Guild, via their AMG Brasil label, and COLT Studio, where he had been signed as an exclusive to their Buckshot Productions line. More on that in a moment.
AMG Brasil had already planned to make a donation to the World Wildlife Fund as they prep for the release of AMAZôNIA: CAPTURE and RELEASE, which topline Mr. Roddick. Following the news of his passing, they decided to make those donations in Mr. Roddick’s name.
I spoke with COLT Studio Group president John Rutherford this week about the perception by some of Mr. Roddick’s fans and friends that COLT’s had been a bit…cold, I suppose, is the word, in their announcement of the death of one of their top stars. "Some of Danny’s loved ones have chosen to deal with their loss in their own way," Mr. Rutherford told me. "We are not putting out a press release, but we are making notes on our blogs, website and online store."
They are also donating a portion of the proceeds from the sales of Mr. Roddick’s films to New Leaf, a nonprofit counseling center in San Francisco. "COLT Studio Group and its COLT team here are a tight family and Danny was a part of our family," they announced on their new blog. Per the studio, New Leaf is "the only comprehensive mental health, substance abuse, HIV/AIDS and social support organization in San Francisco geared specifically for the LGBT communities."
But just this morning, performer Tony Bishop sent around a passionately worded email decrying what he calls "the often reckless behavior and overreaching demands of the gay adult film studios." Mr. Bishop, who notes that he is now retired, makes the claim that studios "[prey on] the unsuspecting, overly optimistic, insecure, emotionally distressed young men who get into the gay adult film industry–chattel, essentially subjugated to indentured servitude for the explicit gain of the studio."
Mr. Bishop goes on to ask, "How many more deaths is it going to take before the studios wake up and do something… And by do something, I mean do something constructive to help curb this awesome and grotesque trend. Not, in Danny’s case, a one-off contribution to a charitable organization… In an industry worth billions of dollars, why are the studios not doing more? …We put our flesh, blood, tears, physical and mental health, personal relationships, overall well being on the line for the studios because you can’t work if you won’t put it all on the line for them…
"And at the end of the day we are a more fragile people. We too have hearts, minds and emotions. So give something back. Back [to] the public, back to our communities, be a corporate citizen for a change. Studios need to wake up and face the facts that with a few preemptive measures on their part, tragedies like Danny’s can be avoided. And should be avoided! There is no reason it can not be."
Mr. Bishop suggests addressing substance abuse (presumably via public service announcements) as well as "actively sponsoring public health and mental health events and organizations that specifically help performers in the sex trade industry" and says "other organizations, like the one COLT has conceded to donating proceeds from some of Danny’s films, are not good enough."
He closes his letter by exhorting the gay adult industry to "stop spending [money] on just sponsoring or throwing the next big circuit party–encouraging more abuse. Stop playing with people’s lives and do something that will actually help our community so tragedies like Danny’s may be avoided altogether."
Tony Bishop’s pain is clear. No one can dispute that. And I agree wholeheartedly about one thing: Organizations such as Sharon Mitchell’s Adult Industry Medical often go begging for funds and that is a goddamn shame. Yes, profit margins are shrinking. Everyone’s hurting, yadda yadda. That is no excuse. We could do more.
But to what extent are we our brother’s keeper? I don’t know the specifics of Danny Roddick’s professional relationship with COLT Studio and therefore I cannot comment about what, if anything, could have been done to prevent his death. It’s worth asking about the level of responsibility that gay adult studios and producers bear in protecting the physical and mental health of their performers. But how much monitoring can they actually do? At what point does personal responsibility take over? Share your thoughts and let’s talk about it.
Source: COLTstudiogroup.com blog
Source: AMGstudio.com blog
[Roddick © AMGstudio.com; Bishop © DarkAlley.com.]
Contact JC Adams at JCAdamsXXX@aol.com
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2008 Nominee!
Best Adult Blog! 
In the case of Matt ( Danny Roddick ) Colt was highly aware of the problems. Instead of addressing those problems directly they avoided it with the attitude of… “am I my brothers keeper?” and continued to add more problems by pimping him out at a very emotionally vulnerable time in his life.
Many of us who are aware of the entire situation are not buying Kris Westons edited comments on his myspace page suggesting he didn’t realize the inner problems Matt was dealing with. Such an edited statement is beyond insulting when the truth is he was higly aware but blew it off. What Kris and Colt never thought was that Matthew had actually arrived at the bottom of that pit. Perhaps some just don’t want to face things like that. Perhaps the attitude was that it couldn’t possibly be as bad as we are hearing? Perhaps they kept telling themselves that Matthew seems just fine in their pressence. As long as he can perform it’s all good. Everyone goes through the circuit. He’ll learn how to manage it. It was a HUGE error not facing that reality. Pushing him to do more work was also a HUGE mistake.
If a studio wants to avoid finger pointing when a tragedy happens like this then produce a contractual agreement that includes the studios right to pull a performer from a project if they are aware of problems. Don’t expect someone who is drinking, and drugging and feeling like slop inside to look at their bosses and openly admit they need help right away. If you even suspect there is a problem pull the plug on further projects. Imediately offer some type of assistance to your employee and assure them you will be right there to help them out. If they refuse then they risk being terminated. This way a company like Colt can truly say they are a family that looks after one another.
Is Colt responsible for Matthews death? No, not directly. However, When you see a family member in distress you reach out. You don’t enable and when the worst case situation happens and that individual tragically dies at least be honest about it and begin to learn from your own mistakes. Have enough respect for that person to not sweep it under the rug. This is why I applaude Darin ( Alex Chandler ) for speaking out at this time.
I do think that Colt does realize they could have helped. Thus the decision to donate some of the profits to New Leaf. It’s a beginning.
Having said all that we need to clarify that Matt did NOT willingly take his life on the 13th. Matthew loved life and all it’s beauty. Unfortunately, It was that damn combination of all the drinking, drugs and a very fatal mistake to add prescription medication to the mix without realizing it would all take his life. Had someone stepped in early on and offered some type of assistance that would have cleaned his system out, and given him an outlet to address some emotional problems he was facing, Matthew would still be with us today. This death was so avoidable.
I also want to respond to Mr. Rutherfords statement in regard to many of us being very angry over this loss.
Mr Rutherford states: “Some of Danny’s loved ones have chosen to deal with their loss in their own way,”
I find this utterly condescending as hell. It’s a pathetic game of cat and mouse where one ( Mr. Rutherford) indirectly suggests they are going to take the higher road and allow Matts family and friends to shove anger their way. Gee, how mighty nobel of Mr. Rutherford.
As a Friend of Matthews I am definitely angry over this loss and justifiably so. What bothers me is that Mr. Rutherford should be just as angry as well.
When I watched Matthew leave our area I had to trust a company that bragged about saying they were a tight family that looked out for one another. When the chips were down and they were made aware of Matthews problems ( and they were aware ) instead of reaching out to help him they shipped him off to Brazil for their own gain. Mr. Rutherford should be kicking himself for that. By doing so it sent a loud message to Matthew.
It is my opinion that the reason Mr. Rutherford downplays making no current press release about Matthew is because the sooner this slips away the faster they can all move on to the next “Danny Roddick” and hopefully this time the result won’t be fatal.
Ironically, he had no problem making sure the entire community knew they had decided to donate to New Leaf. Is it sincere? I hope but right along with that large typed announcement he was able to include all of Danny Roddicks work ready for purchase. You’ve already got the money. Why not just make a large contribution in his real name without pimping a product with Matts stage name associated to it and then mask that by saying a portion of the profits will go to charity? I think thats a very fair question to ask. Oops there goes my choice to grieve in anger again. See, I’m suppose to be touched by such a thing. I’m sure Mr. Rutherford will take the higher ground over that as well and allow me to grieve in my own unique way.. Yes, said as I roll my eyes.
So staying on topic.. Where does the responsability lie in regard to the studio? Right at their own damn doorstep when they brag about a family atmosphere but then do nothing to help. If your going to throw the parties that provide the play and all it’s favors and then you watch someone you call family quickly going downhill then step in for god sakes. At this point they can’t go backwards and say they did try because Kris Weston says he “didn’t know” after two years. Yeah right. We clearly understand why everyone is playing dumb about not knowing. If you admit you knew it then you’d have to admit you did nothing.
If you don’t bother to do anything then someone like me who had to trust you to look out for my friend will come forward and point a finger directly at you and call you a damn liar!
What fuels my anger? On my watch my friend did just fine. On your watch, where you had a hell of a lot more money, connections etc.. you failed my friend. All it would have taken was for just one person calling the shots at Colt to step in and directly lead Matthew towards getting the help he needed. If Matthew refused treatment then Colt would have done all that they could do at that time.
Theres the line. Live up to the promise. Offer the help. Set up the help and give nothing but support. After that it’s up to the individual.
Well, I don’t know any of the people involved but I have a question.
I understand Alex Chandler and many of Danny’s friends are apparently angry at COLT for “not helping Danny” get his issues under control.
Fair enough.
But can someone explain to me what his BOSSES could have done for him that his BOYFRIEND and FRIENDS and FAMILY - who were apparently well-aware of the problems as well - could not do ?
I don’t get it.
Anonymous - very well said! I wish COLT would respond to my message that i sent out yesterday but they say they are continuing to take the high road and say nothing.
I guess the faster this gets put behind them the faster they can make money off of Danny’s good name!
Well put!
The issue is a “collective effort” with all parties involved. Some of Matts friends lost contact with him once he moved from Sacramento and were given the impression all was taken care of. Thats when you have to rely on those that do have daily contact with him. It doesn’t have to be to the extreme of policing the man. Simply having the guts to aknowledge there is a problem and then actually doing something about it would have really helped. You are fighting a losing battle when your work literally places you in a vulnerable situation knowing there is a problem. Instead of helping out it turns to enabling the problem. It is further insulting when the same individuals play dumb after the fact and swear they weren’t aware it was as bad as it really was.
Do we know that his family didn’t reach out and try to help? I know that Darin tried some very tough love in order to get Matthew to confront the partying problems. Friends tried to reach out. When that didn’t work friends went as far as contacting Colt to see if going that approach would help. Why not call on the entity that promised as “a family” they would look out for one another?
The one thing that is definite is that the friends and family that were aware were not putting him in situations that would enable him. However, that is not the case with Matthews “bosses” Sending him to Brazil knowing there was a problem was not the answer.
That really is the harsh lesson that Colt had to learn in all of this. No one was asking them to police the man but one would hope they wouldn’t literally place him in a vulnerable situation potentially making things worse. If the studio brags that they are a close family then live up to it. Help the man out of the hole. Use your connections to get him the best care possible. Encourage him along with his family and friends to clean things up. Don’t throw him out there to the wolves and then turn your back and play dumb about everything and when it turns tragic and the finger is pointing at you go and start suggesting perhaps the friends and family could have done something when perhaps they did try.
THANK GOD for the anonymous poster at the top of this thread. I want to just stand up and give you a standing ovation for all that you said.
My anger is directed not just at Colt but myself for not keeping in contact with Matt. I’m also angry at Darin for not getting Matt the hell out of there and to Matt himself for letting it all get to him. I want all of this to just be a bad dream.
It’s ok to be angry. It’s even ok to vent. Forums like this help to release that anger. What we now do with all of this is up to us.
Colt may try to play down what they really knew but I’m guessing by even giving a penny to charity in Matts name they are saying they know they could have done something to help. From here on out I really hope they will live up to the promise of being a close family and will step in and put the cameras down and get the person in need of help the help they deserve.
I have been told that some of Matts close friends and family did try. Some of them were concerened enough to contact Colt. Instead of helping they screwed things up a bit more. I’m going to be mad at that for a long time. Thats very understandable. If someone would have called me the last thing I would have done was sent Matt to Brazil to be gang fucked on camera.
To all Stuidos. Be a true team. Don’t turn your back when you know somethings wrong and don’t place a fragile person in a situation that will harm them.
I can’t beleive you’re gone Matt.
Does anyone know if there is a service? It’s almost impossible finding out anything about that. I don’t understand that at all.
I haven’t heard about a service yet, but as soon as I do, I’ll pass around the information.
Regards,
JCA
I am completely speechless after reading the first post. Thank you anonymous for so eloquently stating what I also feel. I have stayed quiet these last couple of days because I needed time to decompress on my own.
I am still angry at his death and have been very careful about who I talk to and what I say. Words can so easily be misconstrued and twisted in this digital age and the last thing I want to do is cause anyone more pain after what has been a devastating time for soo many.
What many have not understood about my earlier posts was the fact that the studio DID know about his issues (drug and psycholigical) and had been repeatedly confronted with them. If any other corporation in this country knowingly was aware of one its employees drug abuse problem while on the job as well as mental instabilities (of any sort) and knowingly continued to put them in a place where these problems would increase, and possibly endanger the life of the employee and even others around him, they could be sued for everything for everything.
This was the case here with Matt.
No details need to be exposed at this time but I want to reiterate that I was never suggesting that a company must monitor the off screen behavior of its models…thats ludicrous. But, when a studio who portrays themselves as a “family” and has repeatedly been told by both the performer and many around him that things are not ok but then goes and puts more stress on him , thats just not right. I guess what the objectors are saying is exactly what I am trying to fight. They seem to think we as models are just commidities and have no mental capacity to deal with life. Studios should be able to do what they want with us and have no responsibility for what happens to us off set.
I can tell you from first hand experience that what has happened on set with me has definitely come home to haunt me and I had the strength, that unfortunately many others dont, to get the help I needed to process it.
Is it really too much to ask for a studio to at least offer avenues of help to its models. When you are asking someone who is in a bad mental state to do “rape” scenes…the very same scenes that caused Matt and I to have complete mental breaks after the filming of “Hostile”???
Taking the high road is a way for them to prevent themselves from making any incriminiating statements.
I know they all loved him and wish they could have done more and this crusade im on now has just as much to do with Matt as it does with all of the other models who are in the biz now or will be coming into it.
I hope you all understand where I am coming from…
Also, there will be no memorial for Matthew. His obituary is not even being placed in any paper. This is a decision of his family which I do not agree with but will respect.
We, his friends and family in N. CA, are planning a celebration of his life to be held in the early part of October. This will give time for the dust to settle.
if you would like to be a part of this celebration, whether it is a donation or attend, please email me at alexcnca@yahoo.com
Thank you all for your support. Lets heal…but lets also NEVER forget.
This is all for you Matthew…..
Alex: Thanks for the update about a memorial service. Lots of people have been waiting for that news. Please keep us in the loop. My condolences to you.
Regards,
JCA
[...] Related Links: AMG to Donate to WWF in Memory of Danny Roddick Tony Bishop: Studio Thumb’s Push the Plunger Gay Porn Times -UPDATE II: Danny Roddick, Tony Bishop for Alex Chandelr and Tony Bishop’s comm… [...]
Hi Darin… Why don’t you tell people about the restraining order Darlene, Matt’s mother and family have against you now? And, about the one that Matt himself had against you since you beat him up so bad a few months ago?
Also, how you tried to break in to Matt’s apartment to get his stuff and worse how you have lost all connections to all your porn friends now that you’ve betrayed them all by spreading lies.
I wasn’t going to post anything, but I just couldn’t sit here any longer and watch you act like you knew it all about everything. You disgust all who loved Matt, Darin.
Good luck with yourself. The only think that gives us who knew Matt and the pain he went through with you is knowing that you live every day with the guilt you have inside you from the truth.
I don’t see anything wrong with Mr. Rutherford’s letter he posted on their blog. He says clearly to everyone that if you do not want to donate by purchasing you can donate directly. This ex boyfriend sounds like he’s in desperate need for attention.
Here is what the Colt blog has listed as “Personal Notes from John Rutherford”:
Hi guys,
Everyone here at COLT Studio Group wants to thank each and every one of you for posting about the sudden loss of Danny Roddick. We are all very sad and miss him dearly.
In regard to how Danny passed away, the answer is we just don’t know for sure. We have not been contacted by his family or a reliable source and since we found out from a phone call last Friday from his previous workplace.
We have been kept in the dark as well and have decided not to push the issue since right now it is most important that we all grieve in our own way. As many of you know, dealing with death is subjective and each of us handle it very differently. It is most important that we wish everyone who knew him and appreciated him the space to grieve in their own way and not to disgrace or angrily point fingers.
As a company, COLT Studio Group and its COLT team here are a tight family and Danny was a part of our family. The entire COLT team unanimously decided to donate a portion of the proceeds of the profit from all of all of Danny’s DVDs to the non-profit organization New Leaf.
The New Leaf Organization which is a not for profit counseling center for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities of San Francisco and the surrounding Bay Area.
The organization provides services to middle and low-income individuals and families who cannot afford private therapy or support services, and has been doing so for the past three decades.
New Leaf is the only comprehensive mental health, substance abuse, HIV/AIDS and social support organization in San Francisco geared specifically for the LGBT communities.
This extremely important organization for the LGBT Community lends counseling and support to people in trouble and we are very proud to support their organization on Danny’s behalf.
Here is a list of the movies that will donate money from:
HARD Studies
Boot Black Blues
BIG RIG: Extended Cab Premium Edition BIG RIG: Documentary and Bonus Scenes
HOSTILE
MUSCLE RANCH II
BROTHERHOOD
If you chose to not make a purchase and donate directly please go HERE.
Thanks for all your support and your kind words,
JR
John B. Rutherford
President, Creative Director
COLT Studio Group
god. let the boy rest in peace.
blame blame bitch bitch
When you stand against the bigger guy watch out because they will come out swinging. It may take a bit but they will take a cheap shot. Thanks BW for proving that.
I’m going to get on topic here but first want to address some comments above.
BW seems to want to suggest that it’s best if Darin say nothing because his relationship with Matt was not all sunshine and rainbows. Thats a bit of a cheap shot on BW’s part but it’s par for the course. I hope Darin will remain strong and keep talking and blow off comments like that.
BW suggests that Darin doesn’t know “everything” well it’s obvious BW doesn’t know “everything” as well or maybe he does but he is fully aware that by droping allegations out there it may silence Darins mission so this can all disappear. There is a lot and I mean a LOT of support for Darin over this issue so hopefully he will find the strength to rise above such a juvenile dig. For the record it is also a false statement about the porn industry turning their back on Darin. Trust me. He has a lot of support within the porn industry. I’m sure some at a cetain studio want him to shut the hell up but I wouldn’t define those as representing the entire porn industry.
I’m not going to get into a debate but will say that there is definitely one person holding himself to the truth even when it’s not so pretty and thats Darin. He would tell you himself things had gotten ugly. He will tell you he holds himself responsible. Again, part of the dark side in all of this.
I may not approve of what choices Darin made but I admire his honesty. And there’s the key word. Honesty! I admire any man willing to expose himself warts and all when his real goal is to make sure something this tragic never happens again.
Darin has a valid question directed at the company that promised a family approach. Why send Matt off to Brazil durring a known emotional bad time in his life? Why deny they didn’t know the full story when they did?
Darins not allowed to ask those questions because it betrays someone? Wouldn’t playing dumb over the facts be a betrayl? Darins not allowed to ask these questions or challenge certain lies because his relationship wasn’t the ideal candidate for romance of the year? Produce the so called perfect relationship and I’m sure we’d find more than a few skeletons in that families closet. EVERYONE knows the love these two men shared. Kris Weston himself aknowledges it on his myspace website by specifically sending his condolences out to Alex durring this horrific time. So I’d say it’s ok to question an entity that made some promises but never lived up to those promises. They will deal with it as will Darin deal with his questionable choices in all of this as well. It’s all just heartbreaking. My heart aches for Matthew.
Now back on topic a bit….
As for Colts New Leaf announcement. Lets just call it sloppy presentation. I suppose if I were sitting down with Mr. Rutherford I would have suggested just giving a one time donation. Using Matts work as a means to give to the charity almost looks like Matt is the one paying in his own name. We still don’t even know how much of the profits will actually be handed over. As I said, it was just sloppy presentation. Although it may not have been the intent it looks more like an advertisement to purchase said items under the ruse that if you do “some” of your dollars will go to charity. Then to cover their bases they suggest you don’t have to purchase to donate. I get the complaints over that situation. I’m sure Mr. Rutherford can understand that as well if he sits on the outside and views it from this side of the fence. I’d slide that over into the unprofessional category.
Still the question remains.. What should a studio be heald accountable for in regard to their “stars?” The answer is SAFETY! Physical and Mental. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to approach that. Thats the lesson. Thats the mission on behalf of Matthew. Like Darin I believe everyone at Colt loved Matthew. I know they are sincerely devastated over all of this just as we are. The healing will come but it’s going to have to come through complete honesty. We all do have two things in common. 1. We loved Matthew and 2. We all fucked up!
As a friend I have made a vow that from here on out no matter how far a friend moves away I will be checking on them often. If I even think there is a problem I am going to be right there and make damn sure my friend gets the help they need. I will fight for their life. I will exhaust every avenue to get them that help. if it takes calling their place of work that promised they would work as a family I will pester and pester them to help me out and will expect them help as well. If I see my dear friend in a toxic relationship I’ll do everything to get them out of that situation as well.
I just feel so much sorrow over all of this. Matthew was so special and so unique. None of this should have happened. I am crushed that his family won’t even put an announcement in the papers that he has left us. Does one need approval from the family to put a simple death announcement in the local papers? I hope all of Matts friends will join us in Oct to celebrate this incredible mans life.
Wow the emotions are intense. When something this tragic happens it’s bound to happen. Hopefully there is some therapy going on with all this release.
I noticed that Kris Weston has changed his myspace comments again about Matt ( sigh) He is now saying he was there in troubling times for Matt. At least he now admits he was aware there were some problems. I appreciate that type of honesty. If he really did help him out then thank you for looking after our Matthew. If it’s a lie to cover up some shame well then thats something he’s going to have to carry. He has also deleted any condolences for Darin. I’m not going to touch that at all. I guess petty might be a good word to use but stuff like that happens. I hope Mr. Weston can understand where Darin is coming from. You have to walk in another mans shoes to get it but I believe in time he will get it. Don’t ever forget … Matt and Darin were married for 5 years before they entered into The Colt family. What is that in the world of gaydom? 50 years? Darin, my thoughts are with you. I can’t imagine the level of grief you are experiencing. Please know there are many of us lifting you up in our thoughts and prayers.
Apparently there was a mystery boyfriend that Matthew had that many of us didn’t know about. If true my condolences to you as well. None of that match’s the info I’m aware of but instead of over analyzing what I think is going on with all of that I’m going to challenge everyone to do something.
Lets just let all this anger go now. I’ve vented. I stand behind that anger but I’ve let it out and now it’s time to move forward.
We can bitch, point fingers, try to dirty someones character, and throw out petty comments. Yet, one sad fact still remains. Matthew is gone. None of this will ever bring him back.
I agree with Mike. We all loved Matt and we all fucked up.
I will believe Colt is being sincere because I need for it to be sincere. If it was a way to sell some merchandise thats something they will have to deal with. “For Me” I’m just going to see the good in it. Through this donation someone will have access to an outlet that could save their life. Thats an awesome thing.
I will believe, because I know, that Darin loved Matthew with all of his heart and that Matthew loved Darin greatly. I will remember them as a beautiful, fun loving ol married couple livin and hangin in Sac
- Please sir! hahaha inside choke there.
Matthew left us all with many lessons to learn and apply as a friend, a lover, and a co-worker. Lets apply those lessons and never forget our dear friend.
I respect Matts families choice to have no service but “for me” I need something that says Matthew did matter and this world is so much less without him being here. I need to reserve a time to reflect properly. So since there is no current celebration of Matts life I’ve decided I’m going to buy myself and Orchid tomorrow. I’m going to take it home and drink in all it’s beauty. I’m going to look at that beautiful flower and think of Matthew. I’m going to embrace all the laughter and memories I have of Matt. I need to tell him how much I hate that god awful fucked up front cowlick haircut of his hahaha
I can hear him laughing at that comment. I need to let him know he will never be forgotten. Maybe you might all want to do the same. For Matthew!
R.I.P Matthew.
BW -
I contemplated giving your post any merit by responding to it as doing so would only add fuel to a fire that at this point has no clear direction anymore and is getting to a level of disgust that I should have seen coming from the very beginning.
First, for you to publicly say that I “beat him up so bad a few months ago” is utterly ridiculous and extremely hurtful. It was known to all of those who knew us that since February our relationship had grown to a level of toxicity that could not be overlooked anymore and we separated. There were arguments we had that we both regretted and wished had never occurred, but, I NEVER physically beat him up. We had one argument that ended with us each physically pushing each other but that was the extent of it. I have never said we were perfect. I have never said that I was immortal. I have exposed myself through all of this and opened myself up to criticism at a time in my life when I am emotionally spent and trying to grieve the loss of Matthew.
Second, I NEVER broke into Matts apartment so you need to retract that statement as well. We met several times after we split to gather our belongings. We did have many arguments about who’s stuff was what and in the end it was all resolved amicably.
Why I am responding to this, I am still unsure. I guess the anger that it ignited me in so intense I felt compelled to put my side out there.
Regarding restraining orders, I would love to see them. We both threatened each other with them but to know the level of drama in our relationship, you would understand that this sort of interaction had become commonplace and not out of the ordinary. Its sad but true.
Drugs and other stresses in our life exacerbated issues in our lives that should have been bearable and easily overcome. Also, outside forces increased the level of drama to a boiling point and once again, this was all well known and not hidden from anyone who knew us.
In the last weeks of his life we were speaking to eachother on an almost daily basis. I spoke to him at length the afternoon leading to the fateful night he left us. I had been hearing stories about his current situation that worried me and left me scared and sleepless. I knew him better than most ever will after spending the last 7 years with him…entering the porn world together…and so many other countless experiences we shared. He was insistent that he was did not need help but would refute these statements with his late night texts pleading for help and for someone to “SAVE ME”.
Both of our families knew that we were not good together and we had to hide our interaction with eachother from a lot of people, especially those who were there for us during the breakup and insisted we needed to go our separate ways for good. I know my family as well would not have been happy knowing I was talking with him again so I can only imagine what his mother was told and what she knows. Im not aware of the phone calls they shared but Im sure I was not painted in a pleasant light…I was guilty of the same thing with my own mother. his roommate was also kept in the dark because we had a strained relationship due to the arguments Matt and I had in their shared living space. His roommate probably doesn’t know to this day how many times I was in his apartment with Matt while he was at work. I was always scurried out before he returned so that Matt could continue to have a place to call home.
What remained constant however was our need to find solace and comfort with eachother. We were more than boyfriends and everyone who knows us can atest to this.
Its hard for me to sit back and be called out for things that are untrue and based on hate. We were all manipulated in one way or another during the last couple of months…that is very hard to accept but it was the way he was living and surviving.
I know in my heart what the real situation was and can prove it through everything from phone records to emails to voicemails and texts. One of the last text I received fro him just days before he passed says it all to me:
“You are my home. I love you”
If all of this is still disgusts “all who loved Matthew” than I only have empathy for them. We are all in pain and this should be a collective period of grievance.
I started speaking to raise awareness about the studio and how they had known about his state of mind and merely asked the question, should they be responsible for SOMETHING?
Now, this is hurting people in a way that I want nothing to do with. I am finding peace and I hope everyone else out there is as well.
I know I will be ridiculed again but I will not let it affect me anymore. I have said all I need to and probably way too much as it is.
Darin,
Please know that there are many who have nothing but love for you. You are to be admired for your raw honesty.
I challenge anyone that ridicules this man to have the spine to at least put their full name behind their words. If it’s nothing but second hand pathetic gossip to pacify all the hurt over the loss of Matthew then let it fucking go.
I am one of many that can atest to the unique bond Darin and Matt shared. It’s rare. It happens when two souls become one life force. When it becomes toxic you can’t live with the person but you can’t live without them either. The saddest most gut wrenching part of all of this is that the life force has been suddenly split. Unless you’ve walked this sad journey yourself you will never understand the pain Darin will carry.
We can all learn something from Darins post. It’s about being brutally honest. If Darin carries any guilt then I will be carrying a bucket load of that guilt right along with him as a friend of Matthews. I should have done more. We all could have done more. Yes, even Colt could have done more.
We need to stop fueling the pain and lean on one another from here on out. Allow Darin the respect and right to speak out and get a clear message to all the studios. He’s trying to right a huge wrong in all of this that could potentially save the lives of many people currently and in the future. What a beautiful legacy in rememberance of Matthew if it does in fact save just one life. Darins goal is not to hurt one single person.
So when we remember Matthew lets challenge ourselves to try and make sure no one has to go through any of this again.
God be with you Darin.
We miss you Matthew! You are gone but NEVER forgotten!
Darin I have a P.S.
Please don’t let one persons hateful comments silence your goal to make sure that EVERY studio in the porn industry places the complete physical and mental well being of their performers at the top of their list of priorities.
Challenge for better contracts that include outreach programs for those that need it. An agreement by stuido heads that they will not simply offer a shoulder to lean on but that they will offer imediate responsible action with nothing but support.
You were blessed with the ability to speak effectively Darin. Use that gift. You watched the destruction of a beautiful life. When the time is right let people know the warning signs. By telling Matthews story in all it’s brutal honesty you can create a strong outlet that will quickly respond to any future text messages that cry out …”SAVE ME”
Praying for you buddy!
thank you for your beautiful post.
Thank you Darin for your words, but actually it does sound a bit like you feel guilty and I think its sad that since you two were so close you and his loved ones didn’t do more.
Why does it have to be blamed on the porn studio? He made choices and so did you. What about him being fired from his salon job? Why were you fired from your job at nakedsword as I have read at other sites?
Darin the only thing that you can learn from all of this mess is that you need to not end up dead yourself by taking too many drugs. This whole thing is sad and I think we need to just say goodbye with love and not hate. Stop the madness. Danny RIP.
Allen, cool it with the cheap shots. Your comments appear to be nothing but an attmept to attack ones credability in the hope they will be silent.
So now we are suppose to raise and eyebrow because “allegedly” the deceased lost his job and his lover lost his as well? Come on, don’t insult our intelligents.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t see any post by Darin that suggests the porn industry is the only reason for Matts down fall.
What I do see is a man who points the finger at himself, Matthew AND Colt Studios. I guess it was ok to point it at himself or the deceased but God Forbid if he dared to go beyond that. What a crock of shit.
It also appears Darin is taking full responsability for his own actions. What I don’t understand is how Colt Studios cannot, and will not admit on their part that perhaps MORE could have been done?
I still don’t understand the suggestion that because Darin and Matts relationship was toxic and becuase Darins life was not golden that somehow he should remain silent in getting a clear message out there?
What I do get is that he is obviously scaring the living hell out of people by speaking out.
If you are the same “allen” that copied the John Rutherford post then it is apparent what your goal is. Praise Colt but silence any complaints about their behavior. Even if it means childish attacks on someones character.
COLLECTIVELY mistakes were made on everyones part. Why can’t some of Colt Studios actions or lack there of come into question? Who is the bigger man in all of this? The man who down plays any knowledge but then later begins to change his story to appear as the silent humanitarian?
It’s sick watching Kris Weston change his myspace comments from first not knowing how bad things were to now saying he helped Matt out durring troubling times.
It’s sick that because certain ones won’t stand up and admit they could have done more that they feel a need to attack a man who openly admits he was just as much at fault. Simply because he challenges the actions of others.
If we are going to give advice about substance abuse lets also challenge the studios to fully endorse an anti drug approach. Not just on set but at any paid for circuit party as well.
My God, it is shocking watching people run for cover and in the process try to destroy a mans character over the tragic loss of a beautiful soul.
Here’s a suggestion to those rushing to protect the image of the Colt Family. Instead of fueling a debate why not just quietly appologize for certain things and then make the necessary changes to avoid something like this in the future.
Sending some jerk on line to attack a mans character isn’t the solution. It’s pathetic and makes you really question the character of those attacking this man.
It’s cruel and it’s sleazy.
First of all let Matthew rest in peace.We have all made bad choices in life,that can’t be helped.I understand that COLT could have done something to help Matthew but chose to ignore the situation according to what most of these posts and bloggers like Damon Kruezer are saying.There are two sides of the story in this.I do know firsthand that Matt and Darin had a tempestuous relationship.That wasn’t a secret.No one is perfect.I applaud Darin for speaking out.I think it is wrong to attack someone if you dont know the facts first.Matthew was a sweet guy who needed help.It is sad but I hope there is a lesson to be learned in this.
I am shocked at comments like Allens and BW’s. Very telling in their intent.
Darin willingly exposes himself and someone comes along and basically says thanks but shut up. and if you don’t shut up we’ll just periodically suggest more negtive things about you. WOW.
Makes a person wonder just what part of this story some want silenced.
What a sad sad situation.
All of my support and prayers go out to Darin, Matthews family and true friends.
Be strong Darin.
Darin,
You don’t have to defend yourself. Your relationship with Matt is nobody’s business. You know you loved him, and that’s all that matters.
Take care.
What I\’m about to post I don\’t mean as hurtful nor am I taking any sides. Hopefully this will help out a little bit for those suffering over this tragic loss.
Most importantly I want to say how sorry I am for this loss. Matt was a beautiful man both inside and out. This whole situation is so tragic. Yes, it was avoidable but there really was only one party that could have stopped this whole process and that was Matthew himself. I don\’t mean that in a cruel way. I mean that in a very compassionate way. Everyone needs to stop blaming themselves or pointing a finger at others. I\’d bet anything that Matthew would tell you that himself if he could.
I understand Darins grieving process. I admire his complete honesty in all of this. It\’s hard to have to admit that your own actions didn\’t help the situation out. I\’m sure there was no way for Darin to realize that it would all come crashing down to the point of death. Thats something none of us likes to entertain in our minds. When it does happen, it\’s only natural to start pointing fingers. At first we blame ourselves but then the blame moves on to others. I guess it\’s our way of psychologically saying indirectly that the entire world was a part of this loss. I think sometimes that thought process is avoidable.
However, my challenge to all parties involved in this is to be real honest. Darin mentions an uncomfortable working situation on the film \”Hostile\” and thats fair enough. What doesn\’t make sense, and I mean no disrespect, is the fact that if this film was one of your first products in the industry and you weren\’t comfortable with the situation, why did you remain in the industry? Pointing out questionable situations on set from 2 years ago might not seem as legit if nothing was mentioned back then and you remained in the Industry after that. If you had a mental breakdown from that situation why would you ever go back to that type of work?
Everything is about choices in life and in this case Darin and Matt made the choice to continue in the Porn Industry. So it would be understandable if people might not buy the complaints now.
On behalf of the entire Porn Industry I have to say that ALL newcomers are made highly aware of the temptations they will face. This includes the partying. Again, this comes down to choices. You ultimately make the choice. Addictive and out of control behavior is easily noticed but we have to be honest with ourselves and care enough about ourselves to admit we are heading for a crash and burn type of situation. I\’m sure Darin would agree that there were plenty enough warning signs before that fateful night. Is Colt Studios at fault?
It\’s really hard to blame a corporation if the performer showed up for work and was a professional. If the rumors Colt heard involved the performers personal love life how could they have fairly evaluated the situation? To be fair, there aren\’t many people that like to hear about drama like that. Who can honestly say that a situation like that is going to have this type of result? A person can be a good listener. Give some healthy advice on how to extinguish a toxic situation and let them know they are always there for them. There is no doubt that now, after the fact, that they wish they had been a little bit more observant and offered some type of emotional help. I think giving to Charity in rememberance of Matt proves this.
I\’m sure Darin is also trying to figure out what he could have done differently as well. No one wants to believe someone is legitimately cracking up right in front of them. To a certain degree we are all control freaks and I\’m sure both Matt and Darin believed they had things under control. Admitting you don\’t have full control is a sign of weakness to some. It\’s hard to admit we are weak.
Is it Colts fault Matt was doing drugs? No. Was it Darins fault? No. It was Matts fault. Matt ultimately made the choice to mask the pain with drugs. Could Darin have stopped him? No. Was it up to Darin to drag Matt to get professional help? Unfortunately, the answer is probably yes. If Matt had gotten to the point where he couldn\’t make rational choices on his own.
To Colts credit I am sure right from the beginning they laid it all out there and expressed those temptations that could become a problem. If it were not avoidable wouldn\’t we be reading about this type of tragic result daily? Some will be able to handle it and others won\’t. There is no new lesson to learn there. That has been a known fact in life all along.
Should Matt have been asked to go to Brazil at an emotional time in his life? It\’s hard to make a call on that if Matt himself gave the impression to Colt that he could do the project. Darin should understand this as well. The best example comes from Darin himself.
He admits he asked Matt if everything was ok before that fateful night. This was after Matts last project. He says that Matt himself said everything was ok. What he also states is that later on in the evenings Matts actions suggested differently when he would text message comments like.. \”SAVE ME\”
I hate to say it but thats as loud and clear of a message you are ever going to get when it comes to something like this. The choice to deal with a message like that was up to Darin. Not Colt. Theres that word again. CHOICE.
If you really thought Matt was psychologically off balance the concession would be that Matt probably was not in a healthy state to evaluate his emotional well being at that moment. A grave error was made by not seeking out any help at that moment. Darin do not beat yourself up over that choice. You could have never known what the final result would have been. However, you now bare the burden of realizing the initial choice to deal with that situation was not the best choice. It wasn\’t Colts mistake it was yours. My heart goes out to you having to carry that. You also admit Matt was manipulating the whole situation out of survival instinct. So there you go.
Matt instictively knew early on he was digging himself deeper and deeper. Matt brought himself to the moment of incoherrent behavior that resulted in a mis-calculation of dossages. Not Darin, not Colt, and not his friends.
Colt might have handled things a bit different in regard to dealing with this tragic loss but they are not responsible for this loss. Darin already admits the huge mistakes he himself has made but ultimately Matthew/Danny Roddick made all the choices.
So stop blaming one another for this tragedy. Stop fighting. If you need to be angry at someone then be angry for a bit at Matthew for the choices he made. Forgive him. Embrace the beautiful memories of him. Learn the real lessons. Drugs will destroy your life. On that fateful night no one but Matt made the wrong choice. Don\’t beat yourself up for not stepping in early on. You could have never known it would end like this. Just make sure that there isn\’t a next time and you make the right CHOICES in life.
This isn\’t written to side with Colt nor is it written to side with Darin. It\’s written to help all those grieving to realize the blame game should be let go. Colt I hope, for as much as they may be hurt over the finger pointing, will reach out to Darin. In the process hopefully Darin will begin to realize Colt would never intentionally harm Matthew or put him in a situation where more harm would apply. Be there for one another.
My heart goes out to everyone. R.I.P Matt. I forgive you. I will never forget you.
“Come on, don’t insult our intelligents.”
Oh, why do you make it so easy?
Wow! Darin, you rawness is admirable, but was it really necessary? Sadly, your previous questions and subsequent “rebuttal” has opened up Pandora’s box…and all the freaks come out…to blame anyone and everyone. Honestly, screw Darin, Colt and all the bloggers! I want to know about Matt, the real boy from Sacramento, the one prior to his well documented last year of life. What was he like? Any good “memories” of hanging with Matt - again preferrably pre-porn life? It would be nice to blog about someone accomplishments and successes, rather than read ego driven rants from people who were all “part” of an nasty equation. Well, let me start…the first time I met him, I was floored by his sweet demeanor and the pleasant way he spoke. And, even though he looked like he stepped off an A&F Ad, you would never know it by how comfortable he made you feel. I wont give specifics, but I was able to enjoy a moment in time with him in sac during a fun time (not drugs or sex related but just wholesome fun) and that’s what I’ll miss. I am truly sad he is gone…and even though a deeper friendship never had a chance of taking off - he was on his way to his new life in SF - I will be glad to say that I had the pleasure of crossing his path. Lat Matt! If it’s possible to have fun up there, have a blast!
Drugs, prostitution, cheating, threats, abuse, porn. What a sick relationship and what a desperate lifestyle. Why are we even having these discussions? I mean really, how can his employer be blamed for his drug overdose?
This couple had a toxic relationship which lead to one of them overdosing on drugs at Darin’s home at 15 Amber Drive in Diamond Heights thursday morning.
Everyone has seen Darin out partying since the death. He has obviously moved on from the tragedy rather quickly and I assume still a heavy drug user.
Very sad all around.
Colt was not to blame. Matt and the lifestyle he lived brought him to the edge. Darin basically gave him the final shove. Everyone knows the truth. Darin/ alex chandler is a manipulative heartless bastard and we all saw it. I don’t care how much he says he loved Matt. He was obsessed with Matt. No one was going to have Matt except Darin. Matt could date someone and Darin would be right there and swear Matt still loved him. It was crazy. Matt knew there was something not right about the whole situation. It would be very interesting to know what really went on the night before Matt passed. I’d lay good money Darin is neck deep in it by fucking with Matt emotionally. Darins complaints about Colt don’t add up. He says he and Matt were basically raped on the set of Hostile. Well if that was true and you suffered mental breaks from it why the hell did you continue working in porn? Darin is just trying to put the blame on everyone else when he was insturmental in slowly raping Matt emotionally. It’s just a whole fucked up situation. If there ever is a memorial I will definitely go but I’ll be damned if I’ll give any condolence to an ex lover that I feel is very responsible for the death of a good friend.
Matt died in Darin’s residence, obviously there is a lot of blame to go around here.
He died at the ex’s home? What the fuck? Something doesn’t sound right about any of this. I hope someone is going to follow up on this. I know a lot of people were shocked to see Darin out partying last weekend at Folsom. None of this makes sense.
Sooo pathetic to see COLT Inc., and those “associated” to Darin, acting like they care now the he’s gone, now everybody wants to “contribute” left and right, when the truth is those thing should have been made available before the tragedy, now is a little too late for Darin and for many other “porn stars” who had happen to die tragically before, so hypocritical…!
Ah, sorry for the confusion, i meant to say “Danny” Roddick, but i wrote “Darin” instead…! Sorry, but i got that wrong…!
Yeah, there were several police cars and a coroner out front of where Darin lives at 15 Amber Drive in Diamond Heights that morning. Quite a scene.
What a sad legacy Danny leaves behind. Drug use, fucked up relationship and a few porn movies. Depressing.
When is it the studios responsibility to babysit GROWN men? A job is a job. Take responsibility people for your own lives. He died because of his own stupidity. Point blank.
What comes first, the drugs or the porn? It is too bad that he didn’t choose more quality people to associate with. I have done porn, and never felt any pressure to do drugs…maybe viagra. This dude did drugs and consequently died from them because he liked to do them and his BF Darin liked them as well. Unfortunately the ones that deserve to feel the repercussions never do.
“where Darin lives at 15 Amber Drive in Diamond Heights…”??? Darin does NOT live there. Get your facts right!
How is it possible to get the facts straight when no one is willing to tell the truth?
Fact: Matt was a sweet guy that got caught up in all the partying and drugs that come with being a “porn star” The night he died he ingested too many drugs that didn’t mix. Was it intentional or just one stupid ass mistake? Did someone spike his alcohol with too much G?
It’s hard to say when an ex is trying to put some of the blame on a Porn Studio saying Matt was emotionally off balanced. That suggests that he took his own life but then he hints it was just prescription drugs mixed with the street drugs.
I actually read from Gaywired that Matt died in Sacramento. Then someone posts he died at the ex’s home in SF. Talk about just not knowing anything about this whole situation.
No obituary and no funeral from the family.
Makes you wonder if the guy is even dead. Not even a mention about this so called memorial that is suppose to take place this month. All just a fucked up situation. Actually a bit mystery.
My money is on the fact that there won’t even be a release of the actual cod because everyone close to the situation knows certain other things and they just want this to all go away.
Still can’t get over how the ex has suddenly disapeared from saying much after being seen at Folsom partying after bitching about how rough porn life is.
Just a fucked up situation.
17 Amber Drive is where poor Matt lived with his roommate and died that thursday AM. People need to realize that reporting incorrect facts only hurts people.
Love and support to Danny’s family and friends this holiday season. We miss you, Danny. RIP and keep an eye on the rest of us if you can.
I went to high school with Matt and recently learned of his tragic passing. My condolences go out to all his friends and family. Please everybody, stop the negativity and just let Matt finally have the peace that so eluded him in this life.
I must say that I was surprised to find this web page, but - - - Good Job.