This power player’s advice? First off, he wanted to acknowledge that it’s a bear of a job. “I respect that AVN still wants to do this in the first place. That being said, hire someone from outside [the business] who knows how to organize a show like this and then bring on a couple of industry insiders to consult who know everyone and have done these shows before, like Jim Steel. Two, fucking do a run-through so the presenters know how to pronounce everything and speak into the goddamn microphone! Three, tweak the sound to take into account the fact that most people are going to be at the bar drinking and yelling over each other. I couldn’t hear a damn thing [Hall of Famer] Terry LeGrand was saying. Four, you can’t take advertising money from bareback companies and then turn around and disqualify their movies from awards. They had a big ad for a [bareback] distributor in [a recent] issue. You can’t have it both ways. It sends a horrible message.” What do you folks think?

Quotable: “One hundred bucks for a ticket and a fucking cash bar?!” (An audience member to me, repping the night’s number-one complaint. “It figures, with everything else going on, that we’d complain about the cash bar!” laughed one nominee.)

Quotable: “Suddenly Chi Chi doesn’t look so bad does she?” (Chi Chi LaRue, during her speech at the top of the show, referencing the host controversy. Later, she acknowledged industry infighting prior to the awards. “We can dog each other all year long, but tonight it’s [about] support.”)

LINK: THE EVOLUTION picked up Best Music for first-time-nominee Red Shag, a pseudonym for Chi Chi LaRue’s real-life nephew.

During his Best Ethnic-Themed Video (Latin) acceptance speech, for AMAZONIA: CAPTURE & RELEASE, AMG Brasil’s Dennis Bell paid tribute to the film’s star, Danny Roddick, who died shortly before the film’s release.

Quotable: “Some of you people read slower than a Special-Ed class.” (Host Derek Hartley after the interminable presentation of one award.)

The Audience Gasped, Moment No. 1: When Mr. Hartley asked, during his opening bit, if co-host Romaine Patterson had “seen any good assholes lately?” and Ms. Patterson replied, “Assholes? You mean like Mike Stabile from TheSword.com?” (Click here for background. That controversy prompted Mr. Hartley and Ms. Romaine to “appear” onstage initially as…houseplants. It took a few minutes for the audience to clue in to the visual gag.)

Quotable: ” It’s a little weird, but still fabulous.” (Sister Roma during an awards presentation, after noting that gay porn industryites are all part of “one big family, with members who fuck each another.”)

The Audience Gasped, Moment No. 2: “Falcon, she’s looking at you.” (Mr. Hartley, upon noting that Chi Chi LaRue “had purchased every company she’s ever directed for.”)

“Please welcome the past king of messy relationships, and the current reigning champion!” (Mr. Hartley, introducing presenters Matthew Rush and Erik Rhodes.)

“Who would have thought that sticking an AK-47 up my ass would win me an award?” (Ricky Sinz, accepting the award for Best Solo Performance.)

Lady Bunny delivered two spectacularly raunchy musical bits. The first included the dragstress farting loudly and spitting Chicken McNuggets into the crowd. During the second, she tailored musical insults to members of the biz. A few choice quips:

* “Why does Steve Cruz wear a mustache? To hide the stretch marks!”
* “I told Michael Lucas to act his age. And he died!”
* “Barrett Long, Tiger Tyson and Ricky Martinez were in the back seat of a car. Who was driving? The police!”
* “Have you seen Chi Chi LaRue’s new shoes? Neither has she!” (”Lady Bunny needs some new material,” Ms. LaRue later sniped from the stage.)