Feb
22
RIP: Caleb Carter
February 22, 2009 | 13 Comments
I hope to God this isn’t true, that it’s just some horrible mistake or misunderstanding. I’ve been away from my desk and email all day and only now has word reached me that my friend Caleb Carter has died, apparently by his own hand on Friday. I’ve called and emailed a dozen different people and, naturally, when you want someone to be available they are not. I hope this isn’t true, but the story is already posted to other sites. Caleb only emailed me a few days ago. He sent me a picture of his new tattoo — “Daddy’s Lil Girl.” That should tell you everything you need to know about this sweet, outrageously funny, deeply sensitive young man. He could make me laugh so hard my intestines would convulse. He was artistic, idealistic, reckless, moody, creative. I directed him in two movies and we became great girlfriends almost immediately. Chi Chi LaRue gave me some painful advice many years ago: “You can’t adopt them all.” I know what she meant. But Caleb Carter, I adopted. I checked up on him regularly. We stayed in contact. He sent me a picture of his new tattoo only a few days ago. We talked about cute boys and porn and making a living. I’ve known a lot of porn actors who have left us, far too many. Caleb was — is — my friend. I loved him. I cannot believe I’m writing about him in the past tense. I hope to God this is wrong.
Comments
13 Comments so far
A true loss. Not because the porn world has lost one of it’s “stars,” but because an apparently very-well liked young man took his own life. And that always sucks, “Dorm Days” and “Ball Jocks” aside.
Condolences on the loss of your friend, JC.
if its true (and I hope it isn’t) please accept my deepest condolences, Caleb was in a number of my favorite films and always gave a great performance, but also came across as a nice funny young man
I am so sorry that this happened. You have my deepest sympathies for the loss of a good friend.
I’m am so sorry for your loss JC. I hope you find comfort in all the good time the two of you have shared. Let those memories give you strength.
You know JC, we think we can give these young men someone they can trust, talk to, and count on but the sad fact is that it’s not enough in many cases. We work in an industry that can attract troubled young men and if you’re a caring person you try your hardest to give them advice and hope a few words sink in. It’s absolutely horrible to hear that any young man takes his own life but when its someone you’ve worked with and spent personal time with it can be devestating. You will eventually ask yourself if you could have done more, but, you couldn’t have. Identifying someone who has the potential of taking their own life is almost impossible to do. Love and care for these men while you can, you really can’t do any more than that.
im hoping its not true but unfortunately it is looking like it is.
caleb was a good guy
he was a genuinely nice person and i didnt realize things were that bad in his life that things had come to this there was no warning no signs no anything
and this is a loss to all his friends and his family.
my prayers and thoughts are with his family and jc feel free to hit me up if you need someone to talk to.
i know i will miss him as well, he was a good kid and this should have never happened.
honestly jc this has been a disturbing trend in porn
and i think its time that someone makes this issue known i dont know if we have so many losses from pressure, drugs, stress, disease, murder.
but this is happening far too often and it is all avoidable.
i think we should compile a list of clinics that offer sex workers mental health help and substance abuse help free of charge where alot of these guys can reach out if they need to instead of finding out we have lost a brother like this.
the porn community is a small community and we need to find better ways to reach out to one another to help each other this is a rough business and it will destroy people but it is hard to see more and more friends gone when all they had to do was ask for help.
it is a shock to me as well jc he will be missed and will be in m thoughts and prayers
RIP CC and all your friends have your memories to cherish and remember forever.
this is a quote from caleb” I don’t. I won’t lie. I have laid on my floor and bawled because of things people say to me or about me. JC Adams and Jason Sechrest can both tell you that, I call them crying all the time. There are days when I wanna give up and I don’t know if anyone remembers I am still out there. But in the long run I am a fighter. Everyone who has worked with me will tell you that I am one of a kind. My fans see it and people around me see it. So I pull my self up off the floor eat a large pizza all to my self and say fuck it! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM CALEB MOTHER FUCKIN CARTER! Then smile.
I will miss him so much! he was the a great friend. Much love to everyone. lets make the future better together for all of us. Miss you already.
I read a comment somewhere else from someone who claimed to be his stepfather; prompted by the vile, vicious and hateful comments posted. If true, it was a startling window into where he came from and what he had to endure. Ya know… he really didn’t have much of a chance raised in that environment with that kind of support system–and boy, he really, really deserved one. It was truly heartbreaking to read some ignorant though seemingly well intentioned comments coming from someone who was allegedly that close to him. Things like “we” expected him to die young, and the unsubtle message that he’s better off (shocking, because anyone with a pulse knows what that shit really means), and that it’s time to move on… Separate from him as a performer and character, this is a very raw tragedy that has relevance to more than just porn.
To those negative commenters, you have no class whatsoever. That’s actually inadequate to express what bums you are; you have no ethic. If you read that, too, maybe you’d develop some much needed empathy, or at the very least, compassion. Not that it means much because I didn’t know him, but I’m sorry that he felt that this was the only way out. For all who are suffering as a result of this loss, you never get over the suicide of someone you care about, but you do learn to live with it, and your memories of them (good and bad) come to be treasured rather than just a source of pain.
I love you ben and allways will. I cant bleaive you finally did it and never could call me to help you. I miss you Benni
larbear
I loved him too and miss him terribly. I am glad to see that so many others loved him, even if it is for reasons other than myself.
I am his dad and today I took down the memorial of him we had in our house. I do not know what ass_pennies is talking about. Ben was raised by me and his mother till she left in 2001. He called me a week before he killed himself telling me he was thinking about it again and I invited him back home to live with his step-mother and me. We never judged him for his lifestyle or his job. When people I worked with made comments about his job I told them they’d be proud if there son was a heterosexual porn star why be any different over homosexual porn star. Ben only lived with his “step-father” for a short time and he was well into his 20′s when he did. We had a very good relationship, hence the tattoo “daddy’s li’l girl” he called me giggling the day he got it. I responded: “i just gave you you $300 to pay rent and you got a tatto?” he giggled that he got it for free and he was going to get a second one next week “mamma’s naughty boy”. If there are truly negative comments out there about my son, I would rather not know about them. I only now am able to look at what people had and are saying about him. I can only say what I said in his obituary, I don’t know if he’s gone to a better place but where ever he’s gone it’s a better place now then what it was before.
I’m not a huge porn person, but I really liked him on Truelife and liked his interviews. I’m saddened. My heart goes out to you all.